If Virginia is for lovers, it is in the Alleghany Highlands where the passion which fuels that love is born. From the natural beauty of Falling Springs Falls to the stirring performances at the Masonic Theatre, the Alleghany Highlands are an eclectic blend of nature and art, history and culture, resilience and desire…

Yes, the Alleghany Highlands incubate that passion…the passion to live life through to its completion and leave no tales to tell of things undone.

It is in the name of such passion that competitors from all walks of life journey to the mountains of Clifton Forge each May to test their endurance, and fan the flames of their most primal desires. To demonstrate the gravel in their gut and the spit in their eye…

To tell all who will listen: “I am a force in this world!”

On Saturday, May 15, these competitors will marry the physical body with the mental machine to run on foot for five kilometers, paddle a one-person boat for five miles, and bike for 10 miles through the wild-splendors of western Virginia.

And those rare and gifted specimens who possess the fortitude to meet this challenge will stand triumphantly on the steps of that celebrated and historic Masonic Theatre to declare before God and country…

“I am a force in this world because I have conquered the Alleghany Highlands Triathlon”!

Then they’ll hit Jack Mason’s Tavern for wings, quesadillas, and the tastiest craft brews in Appalachia. How’s that for a Saturday well-spent?

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. One does not simply “conquer the Alleghany Highlands Triathlon” with no preparation. So, if we’re going to prove our mettle in Clifton Forge, we need to start at the very beginning.

Gear:

The beginning, as it so often does, lies across the state line in the Greenbrier Valley of West Virginia. And if West Virginia is the very beginning, that’s a very good place to start.

Some 40-miles west of Clifton Forge is the city of Lewisburg, West Virginia. Rural, yes. Quaint? Well, certainly. But don’t be fooled by the stillness of Lewisburg’s majestic beauty. This sleepy little town is brimming with treasures just waiting to be discovered. Besides, if we’re going to accept the challenge of the Alleghany Highlands Triathlon, we’re going to need some gear.

Located at 898 East Washington Street West in downtown Lewisburg is Serenity Now Outfitters. For nearly two decades, Serenity Now has been the unrivaled go-to outfitter of all things outdoors in the Greenbrier Valley and surrounding areas. Fly fishing, backpacking, hiking…if you need outdoor gear and some local expertise on how to use it, then you hit Serenity Now. As our illustrious governor would say, “it’s simple as mud.”

But no hiking today. We need to navigate a kayak five miles down the Jackson River, so it’s water-gear we’re after. Paddles, wet suits, helmets, a partridge and a pear tree are what we’ll get at Serenity Now. Oh, and if we’re very lucky, we might catch a really cool story about some hidden local adventure spots.

That excitement is starting to build now. As they say at Serenity Now, “Renewal is in the air.”

But we’re not ready yet. We still need a bike. And for that, we have to go see Max.

A 20-minute drive down County Route 60 brings us to White Sulphur Springs. You may have heard of it; White Sulphur Springs is home to the Greenbrier Resort, and the birthplace of the mother of America’s space program, Katherine Johnson. It is also where we’ll find Max, the owner of Hammer Cycles.

Located at 723 Main Street East, Hammer Cycles is “a full-service bicycle sales, service and rental shop,” carrying top brands such as Niner, Giant, Liv, Momentum and Electric Bicycle Company.

One of the Greenbrier Valley’s more notable residents, Max Hammer has been on a bicycle since before the fall of the Roman Empire; a talent and passion that carried him to the World Championships in 1990. In addition to being the preeminent expert on all things bicycle in the eastern-half of the United States, Max serves as head coach of the Greenbrier Valley Hellbenders Youth Mountain Bike Team.

But as impressive as he is, we’re not here to admire Max. (Although there is much to admire. His customers have referred to him as being “like Da Vinci with a bike wrench.”) We’re here for a bike. Maybe a Niner Rip 9 RDO, or a Giant ATX 3. You know, something shiny. We’ve got 10 miles to peddle across Clifton Forge, and a champion is only as good as their equipment.

Okay, we’ve got our water gear and we’ve got our bike. And wow, it’s a sweet bike. Almost makes us want to ride it across the state line into Virginia. But no. That’s 30-miles, and we need to conserve our energy. We still have a triathlon to conquer.

Triathlon:

Here we go, it’s the big day. We’re stretched, warm and loose. Our muscles are coiled like a rattlesnake ready to strike, and our minds are as sharp and clear as a drill bit made of diamonds.

We’re ready to run.

And run we shall; five-kilometers, 3.10-miles, 16,404 feet…196,850 inches.

At an elevation of 1,211 feet above sea level, Nicely Town Road has an average barometric pressure of 97 kPa (or, 14.07 pounds per square inch). The wind will add 14-pounds of resistance to every inch of our bodies through all 194,850 inches of our run. But that’s okay. We didn’t come to Nicely Town Road to be nice…we came to be nasty.

The water of the Jackson River will cool our skin and refresh our tired legs. But steering the kayak will stiffen our wrists and blow up our biceps. Fatigue will have a firm grip on us by now. But we will beat back the urge to quit with every slap of the paddle. A re-energizing meal awaits us a mere 12-miles from here; 11-miles, 10-miles…

52,800 feet…633,600 inches.

We mount our Niner Rip 9 RDO (or Giant ATX 3) and attack those final 633,600 inches the way Leonidas once attacked the Persians at Thermopylae. With legs burning and teeth clenched, we will push ourselves as we never have before. With every pump of the pedal, we free our bodies of the shackles of exhaustion and lessen our worries through the sweat of achievement.

As we turn left onto Church Street, we can see the finish line in the distance.

It is growing closer, closer…ever so close.

The Masonic Theatre:

Filled with an intoxicating combination of pride and adrenaline, we stand before the historic theatre with our arms raised in victory as though we were Rocky Balboa on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum.

And at last, we declare before God and country…

“I am a force in this world because I have conquered the Alleghany Highlands Triathlon!”

Then we’ll hit Jack Mason’s Tavern for wings, quesadillas, and the tastiest craft brews in Appalachia.

A Saturday well spent, indeed.

To register for the Alleghany Highlands Triathlon, visit trisignup.com. The cost to participate is $55 per individual and $105 per relay team. Boxed lunches prepared by Bartley’s Meat Market will be served to all participants. Registration closes on Thursday, May 6.

Medals and trophies will be awarded to the top finishers from each age group. The top male and female finisher will each receive a one-night stay for two at the Omni Homestead Resort in Hot Springs, Virginia.